i am not sure if this memorial is suitable for this site. but i look over this site for hours ,you
see i would of had a child who would of been 14 this year .he wasn't still born or miscarried
i had an abortion .there is not a day when i do not feel guilty, i made a very wrong decision .when
i look through this site i have always wished that i too could leave messages and candles to the
child i rejected and to say im sorry . but when i see all the babies that have died and the hurt in
all the mothers words i feel it maybe wrong for me to be on here , i chose to have the abortion and
i would do anything to turn the clock back. like all the mothers on here i feel pain ,i feel i
should not grieve ,i feel empty,my baby doesent even have a name .he is never spoken about it is as
if he never existed.and i hurt so bad.all i wish is to be able to say goodnight and tell him im
sorry and i love him. i apologise if anyone thinks i should not put this on here and i will delete
it i do not wish to upset anyone
THANKS
Can i please say thanks to everyone .I am overwelmed .it has taken a few days for me to have the
courage to come back on here i wasn,t sure what to expect. i want to explain what happened .14
years i have kept to myself how i feel . Only close family new about the abortion and since that
day it has never been mentioned not even by my husband .i suppose they think its best not to talk
about it. i dont know if i,m speaking the truth by saying i tried to tell them no i had changed my
mind as they were taking me in, i can remember trying to shout and i remember someone saying its ok
it wont take long . i remember waking up and saying didn't you here me and being told it was
all over. i asked to see it and was told there was" nothing to see. " Nothing that was
what she said. it was a nothing. they said i didn't shout but i was sure i did i know i did .
You see i wasn' t sure.... i was waiting on my husband saying to me no don't go through
with it , but he thought that it was what i wanted, it wasn't till he came to collect me and i
told him i tried to stop them that he told me he would of been quite happy. We should of taken more
time but my doctor booked me in so quickly we just didn't talk enough. I was 40 and according
to my doctor i was too old. 8 month later i was pregnant again and we were over the moon. it was
meant to be everyone said . and so my son was born, for a long time i tried to convince myself it
was the same baby just to ease the guilt but i know it isn't , I cannot forgive myself if only
we had taken more time . I just need him to be acknowledged its the least i can do, he existed he
wasn't " a nothing to see" as the nurse had said. I only hope that some day i will
get the chance to hold him in my arms and welcome him as my son. and yes now is the time he will
have a name. his name is Steven
Beautiful tribute
Your story is wonderful.
Steven knows you love him. He probably smiles everytime you think of him; so smile and think of him alot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Don't be so hard on yourself
Iam so sorry my son i havent been able to say goodnight my pc broke down .i think about you every night trying to imagine who you would of looked like ,sometimes i think i see you and you look like me. i know you dont want me to keep saying i am sorry but i cant help it .i cant forgive myself i hate myself for what i did to you .you should be here enjoying your life i took that from you .why should i seek help from someone ,i dont deserve help and i know it all i can do is say sorry to you over and over again . i love you my son with all my heart mum xx
a mothers love
just read ur story and thought i just say im a mother of 3 kids 2 girls and 1 boy i thought of aborting him but i was lucky cause i had a choice maybe u didnt and ur baby deserves to be remembered and im sure they no u loved them dont ive with guilt it will mess u up think happy memories and good luck
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Your Angel
You have every right to have your tribute to your little angel. It is obvious that you dont make a habit of it and that you did what you thought was the best at the time. We dont know the reasons and dont want to know.. all that matters is that you still grieve for your baby. I know that this site will help to make your angel real to you, a little person. He or she will know and understand and love you because you are his Mummy.
You really cannot go on blaming yourself, celebrate your angel . We are all human.
Hope to be in touch again soon. Take care of you and love to Angel Baby Dickson.xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello and goodmorning to you sweetheart i like many other's do think you should have a tribute page for your baby and to be able to light candles and message's and phot's to your special angel,no one has the right to judge you or say you can't be here on this site with all us other mom's and families,you made the right decision for you at that time in your life, please please dont grieve on your own there are so many people who care about other's on here but my advise to you like other's have said try to get some help and talk about your baby he or she was still apart of you and don't let any one put you down for doing what you thought was right for you,you can let your feeling's out on here and tell your baby what you feel in your heart,you can get in tough with me if you want to chat at any time,keep your chin up love Pam x x x x x
GOD LOVE U
THERE IS A SITE ON HERE CALLED BABYIMSORRY ITS MADE BY SOME ONE WHO WAS IN A SIMILAR SITUATION TO URSELF SO I HOPE U CAN FIND COMFORT IN VISITIN THIS SITE I DO AS I ALSO HAVE BEEN IN SIMILAR SITUATION GOD LOVE U
ive read through your tribute to your little one and my thoughts are with you. you did what you thought was write at the time. dont beat yourself up. you have every reason to have a site here. you have feelings too and have thr write to write to your little one. take good care sweetheart.
I've tried writing a tribute to you many times and deleted it, i just can't put down in words to say how sorry i am for the hurt your going through, you have every right to be here on GTS, but i feel that you should really talk to someone about everything that you have been through so you can move on, don't be sad of the past you have a special Angel up above that one day you will meet again xxx Linda
Through my own personal beliefs I have always been against abortion, however I have always felt sympathy for those who have had to terminate because the baby was ill or those who have had one abortion and regretted it ever since like yourself. Obviously I don't have much time for people who have many abortions and simply use it as a form of contraception, simply because they can not be bothered to be careful, especially after what I have gone through losing Angel and seeing the heartache other mums have gone through who I have come to know through losing Angel.
Reading your tribute to your little one really touched me though. I can see you deeply regret what you did and are hurting a lot and it filled me with tears to see the hurt you are going through! If you feel you need to grieve for your child then that is what you must do, no one has the right to tell you you can't. I for one, see no reason why you shouldn't have a page here for him and be able to light a candle for him. It doesn't matter what way your child ended up in heaven, it doesn't make him any less of a child or person and he too deserves to have candles, tributes and to be loved. I'm sure he knows just how much you love him, and I don't think he would want you to be living your life in so much regret and sadness. He would want you to move on and be happy. I'm sure he understands why you had to do what you did and I'm sure too that he doesn't hold this against you. You may ask how i would know this? Well ever since I have lost Angel she has given me so many signs that she is here with me and that she wants me to be happy, and i'm sure your little boy is the same.
I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you manage to get some support and comfort through this page and are able to move on a little bit. You will never forget your child or stop missing them, but I hope with time that the pain will ease a little and things will get better for you.
Beth xxx((hugz))
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